Last week I began documenting the pandemic of craziness that is sweeping the globe.
In that column it was Japan and All Nippon Airways trying to improve their carbon footprint by asking their passengers to relieve themselves before takeoff (if you missed that column you might want to check it out … don't worry, we'll wait for you).
This week, our attention turns to the United States where the net neutrality furor continues unabated with a huge outbreak of craziness being added to the mix.
I wrote about the topic some weeks ago and, since then, the Federal Communications Commission, which has become the leading proponent of preventing the ISPs from "shaping" traffic for commercial purposes, has stiffened its sinews, summoned up the blood and disguised fair nature with hard-favor'd rules … and got a lot of push back.
The craziest push back came from Sen. John McCain (R-Ariz.) who has put forward a bill that is diametrically opposed to the FCC's proposals and called "The Internet Freedom Act of 2009".
If ever there was a bit of flimflammery so blatantly designed to mislead, this is it. McCain's press release claims, "This government takeover of the Internet will stifle innovation, in turn slowing our economic turnaround and further depressing an already anemic job market."
Senator, are you kidding me? You really think that constraining the ISPs so they aren't allowed to provide preferential transport of their own commercial services or those of partners is tantamount to a "government takeover"?
Between you and me, just admit that you're indulging in something that sounds an awful lot like Orwellian Newspeak. What you're suggesting is like asserting that regulating the food industry will reduce the food supply thereby causing people to die. And what you're proposing would be like removing all regulations from food production and I think we can all imagine how well that would serve us.
What I find so disturbing about the bill is that, all the way from its title through its rhetoric, it is so obviously and transparently designed to obfuscate the issues and mislead.
Here's the big reveal. Guess who got more ISP lobbying money than any other politician? Yep -- McCain. At $894,379 McCain garnered more than double the amount taken by the next-largest beneficiary of ISP lobbying funds, Harry Reid (D-Nev.), the Senate Majority Leader, at $341,089. I'm not suggesting the McCain and Reid have been bought by Big Telecom, I'm just pointing out the facts.
But there's more craziness swirling around net neutrality. It seems AT&T, not content with buttering up senators with dollar bills, is trying to persuade its staff to promote its agenda in defeating the FCCs proposed new rules.
A couple of weeks ago AT&T's senior executive vice president of external and legislative affairs, Jim Cicconi (who used to be AT&T's top lobbyist), sent a memo to all U.S. managers saying, "We encourage you, your family and friends to join the voices telling the FCC not to regulate the Internet. It can be done through a personal e-mail account by going to www.openinternet.gov and clicking on the 'Join the Discussion' link."
This is bad enough, but Cicconi actually provides talking points! And to round it off he finishes the memo with wording weaselly enough to be in McCain's bill: "Thank you in advance for taking action that supports our customers, our company, and our country's commitment to ensure that every American has access to broadband."
It is the glorious snake oil salesman's conflation of disparate and unrelated ideas that makes the pitch so powerful and at the same time so essentially free of a logical argument.
Why not be honest? Why not write, "It's our network and we want to wring every cent we can out of it and we don't want any kind of interference." If Cicconi were really honest he would add, "And if you don't help us lobby against net neutrality you could lose your
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