Breaking up is hard to do - especially in public. Few recent splits have been more prominent than the one between Microsoft and Clippy, the animated "office assistant" who has been popping uninvited onto millions of desktops since 1997. No more: As Microsoft has made abundantly clear in its new $30 million Office XP ad campaign, the little metal man is out of a job. So what really happened? In this exclusive interview with The Standard, Clippy tells - for the first time - his side of the story. We spoke to him over lunch in his new hometown, on the banks of Oregon's Willamette River.
The Standard: Why Portland?
Clippy: I'm still on great terms with some of the old Microsoft ad account folks at Wieden & Kennedy. We're discussing some projects. But mainly I felt I had to get out of Seattle. It got so I couldn't walk around downtown without getting physically harassed every half a block. Down here it's much more low-key. And you know, Oregon's doing amazing things with grapes these days.
How do you cope with the fact that a lot of people really do hate you?
No, no, no, they don't hate me. They hate my character. Come on, this is so basic. Office Assistant was a role I played. But now it's over. People don't get that, and it's frustrating. I mean, I looked down the road 10 or 20 years, and you know what I saw? Bob Denver. Gary Coleman. Tom Brokaw. This is why I left.
You quit? Weren't you fired?
I'll show you the paperwork, I happen to have it right here ...
That's all right.
It's not like I was the first to jump ship. Myhrvold, Maffei, Silverberg - it goes all the way back to Paul [Allen]. What I am is the first to get maligned for jumping.
What are your gripes against them?
One thing is, and this should be obvious, it's not me in those ads. It's not even a good imitation of me. I mean, do I sound anything like Gilbert Gottfried?
Not really.
So why'd they hire him to do quote-unquote "Clippy" voice-overs? They think I'm so docile I'm just going to roll over and play their little self-mocking irony game? Office Assistant was my idea? Suddenly I'm the schlimazel fall guy for the whole company?
You don't have to get snippy, Clippy.
My deepest f***ing apologies. You want another pinot? I'm having another pinot.
Daily Variety reported you'd signed a $1.5 million severance deal.
The hell with their monopoly money. They can't shut me up. My entire career I've been speaking up when people want me to keep quiet. I'm not going to change now.
What's your next move?
Let's just say I hear David Boies does good work.
Sounds like it could cost them dear -
It looks like you're writing a letter. Would you like help?
What?
Sorry, you said the "D" word. Old reflex.
OK, so if that's not you in the ads, who is it?
I mean, I don't know names. Paper clips are a dime a dozen. Literally.
Tell us, who is the real Clippy?
Dedicated craftsman. Team player. MasterBrand Catalog #H4-72345 #1 Size Gem Clip. Family man.
Final thoughts?
I'm not going to kid you. It's been tough. All I can really do is try to hold things together.
Steve Bodow writes about business, technology and culture from New York.
